My Heavy Heart

A nice chat with a good friend of mine prompted me to write this as well as how I have felt recently. Lately I've dealt with sort of a hurting heart--not for myself, but for others who are hurting. All I hear from the news anymore is about deaths from the war, bombs blowing innocent people up, brutal stabbings and murders, young children being abducted and molested, sex trafficking, drug trafficking, parents beating their kids, drowing their kids, murdering their kids. I hear about third world countries and their lack of water, education, and health. I hear about the AIDS fiasco, and the staggering number of homeless and unemployed people everywhere. I hear about cruel acts of racism. And it just hurts me. I just can't get away from the devastation and despair. The desperation and brokenness of this world. Then there is the fact that everywhere you look there is sex and drugs and alcohol. Everywhere you look society is telling you to be the opposite of what you already are. You can access the world wide web at any time and pull up hundreds of thousands of promiscuous videos and who knows what else. People are stealing, threatening, destroying, killing--for themselves, for others, or maybe just because they can, for the adrenaline rush, for the feeling of control, for revenge, for whatever--anywhere you go...there is evil--the world is taking a turn for the worst, and I don't see a solution to that, other than Christ coming back....and who knows when that will be--no one. And it's not necessarily the fact that all I hear about is evil and horrendous, but it's the fact that I can't save everyone. I just want to help people. And my heart aches and breaks because there are people hurting, and they aren't getting any help. Nobody is offering them hope. They are at the end of their rope, and they are so close to letting go, and so many times, they do. I'm not sure what the suicide rate is in the US, but I'm sure it's not pretty.

This reminds me of a book I read one time. The title was something about summer, or one of the summer months. But this girl ran away and ended up at these three ladies' house. Their names were August, June, and July (or maybe one of them was May). But anyway, one of the ladies had so much difficulty dealing with all the tragedy in the world that she made a "wailing wall." I think there was like a stone wall, and everyday when she would hear about something terrible that happened, she would write it down on a piece of paper, then she would stick the paper in cracks in the stone wall. And she would go out to the wall and cry and mourn for people she didn't even know--people that lived halfway across the world. This is how she dealt with her despair. But what gets me is the fact that she became so emotional over the tragedy of people she didn't even know. And I feel like I can relate to this. I couldn't before, but recently when I hear a child being raped and murdered, or a fatal car accident, or a teenager committing suicide because she was too scarred and hopeless from an ugly past, or divorces tearing families apart, I have felt so sad for these people....people I don't even know. But I hurt for them and with them, and I wish I could save them. And I wish I could be with them.

I'm not really sure what lesson can be learned, but this is just what's on my heart, and I needed to share. I need to share it, because it's making me so sad. Sometimes it's so hard for me to just smile, and again, I don't even know these people. My heart just aches for them. And I don't want to say I wish it didn't, but I do wish that I could channel this "pain" into something helpful, instead of just feeling useless. Man, I just don't know. I'm not saying there isn't any good in the world. I know there is a lot of good in the world. There is beauty, and love, and hope, and a wonderful promise. I guess if we heard about all of that in the news everyday, the world would be a little happier, a little brighter. Really, all I can say is come, Jesus, come.

But that's not to say I'm just going to sit around until Jesus returns. I'm going to do my part, I will. I mean I strive to now, but I can't help but think what glorious days await me and my fellow "seekers of the Lord." And I'm not, by any means, saying this makes me a good person. I am actually a terribly selfish person. I quite frequently do whatever is the most beneficial for me. And I hate it, but that's just another example of how the world is going down the drain, and why it makes me so sad. So that's what's crackin with me lately.