A Spiritual Run (1/29/08)

So, today I went for a run, as I have been doing at least every Tuesday and as many other days as possible. I have been struggling with relationships with people that are very close to my heart, and I just needed to have a good run to think about my priorities and what not. Today was semi-cold, but mostly it was just misty and cloudy and gray. As I started out on my run, listening to an old-school Michael W. Smith song (that brings back some childhood memories), I was disappointed that it was so dreary. Still, I walked down my street, then picked up my pace and began to run.

It wasn't until I was closer to the end of my run that I began to actually look around me. I was now listening to another Michael W. Smith song that is very special to me. It's called, "How to Say Goodbye." So I was listening to it, being all sentimental like, and I looked up ahead of me at the sky. It was nothing out of the ordinary for a dreary day in Indiana. The sky was light gray, and it was misting. I was breathing semi-hard by now, and my heart was pounding. As I slowed to a brisk walk, I took deep breaths and tried to focus. I felt like something was supposed to be recognized. I was supposed to hear something, see something, feel something. I looked at the gray sky again, but this time it was different. This time I was taken back to my Christmas vacation in Montana. I was taken back to a moment when I stood in a valley, surrounded by mountains, and I felt God's presence.

As I was looking at the downcast sky, listening to the lines, "Tell me how to fill the space you left behind. And how to laugh instead of cry. And how to say goodbye. Here I stand. Arms open wide...," I saw the beauty in that ugly, gray sky. It wasn't ugly anymore. It didn't disappoint me anymore. I saw that a gray sky is just as beautiful to me as a colorful sunset in the mountains. God created both of them, and they are both beautiful. And I can see God's glory in colorful and rainy skies. I think this is because for me it's not about the way it looks, it's about the way that it makes me feel. I connected with God in both places. I felt Him both times. I thought you had to travel somewhere beautiful to feel and experience God, but today I found that to be false.

I have always thought it to be a little cliche when people talk about feeling people "through the wind," but today I decided that even if it is cliche, it is true. I have been so sad lately, just wanting a single hug from my daddy. It has been over ten months, and I wanted a hug. Just one hug. Anyway, so I'm walking down my street, still listening to the same song (I had it on repeat), staring at the beautiful, gray sky, and no lie, just as I started thinking about my dad, I felt a cool wind rush around me. And I knew then, that my dad was hugging me. Some may not believe this. Some may call it a coincidence. But I don't believe in chance happenings. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in God. And I believe that He let me hug my dad today. So, I closed my eyes, listened to the words of the song, opened up my arms, and let the wind engulf me. People looking out their windows, may have thought me to be crazy, but I didn't care. I was having a very spiritual moment. And it was awesome. I love these moments. I cherish them.

When I got home, I wasn't ready to go inside and face the music, so I went around back and looked out at the field, and the sky, and the beauty, and I just stood there for, well, i don't know how long. But I embraced that wind. And I saw the beauty, because there is beauty in everything. Because God created it, and He is Beautiful.